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Frequently Asked Questions:

1. Can I join the Black Goat's minions?
2. What is this Black Goat team/web site?
3. Where did this Black Goat thing come from?
4. I got banned or kicked from the server by a BG admin, why?
5. Why don't you allow camping?
6. I hate friendly fire! Why does your server have friendly fire on?
7. I want to play Map X. Will you change the map to it?
8. I just got whacked by a BG minion for the 1000th time! Do I win a prize?
9. I found a typo or grammatical error on this web site. To whom do I report it?
10. How old are you guys?
11. No, really! How old are you guys?
12. Is it true that Slow Target is locked up in a federal penitentiary?
13. Can we challenge BG to a match?
14. Is BG on any competition ladders?
15.
Where do you guys IRC?
16.
How do I contact a BG minion?
17. Where do you guys live?

1. Can I join the Black Goat's minions?

No, sorry, you cannot join the Goat's minions. Llama! You must be crushed. We mock you. Mock, mock, mock. Minions of The Black Goat of a Thousand Young are granted entrance to the inner-circle of grand masters of destruction by invitation only. How does one get invited? Crush Llamas and bribe the Chief Regent of The Black Goat with a Thousand Young.

2. What is this Black Goat team/web site?

We are the minions of the Black Goat of a Thousand Young. In real-life we're friends who play FPSs (first person shooter) computer games together. We are NOT some weird cult or anything yucky like that.

3. Where did this Black Goat thing come from?

You are hereby instructed to read up on the life and writings of author H.P. Lovecraft (1890-1937). See http://www.hplovecraft.com/ for some basic details. Read his short story, The Whisperer in the Darkness, for a veiled mention of the extraordinary Black Goat with a Thousand Young.

4. I got banned or kicked from the server by a BG administrator, why?

When the servers are up, it is for our enjoyment. We have zero tolerance for anything which degrades our experience of the game. Team-killers, individuals with offensive names, foul mouths, bad attitudes, stupid campers, cheaters, or people who refuse to take directions from the administrator will be banned without warning. If the map requires you to rescue hostages, bomb, or do a VIP escape we expect you to work as a team. Failure to do so will also result in a ban. Don't take a kick or a ban *too* seriously. There are hundreds of other servers out there. Remember the things that are really important in life and recall that computer games are not one of them. Got kicked and think you didn't deserve it or are willing to change your foul ways? Come back in a few days and maybe we'll let you try again. Maybe. Just remember we're watching you.

5. Why don't you allow camping?

We do to a certain extent. Certain styles of camping such as sniping, etc. at the beginning of a round are acceptable. Camping towards the end of a round when most of your teammates are out of play is not cool unless you are "protecting" hostages from a rescue attempt or protecting a bomb site. Camping when half your team is gone and hostages need to be rescued or a bomb needs to be planted is unacceptable. We will ban you, sometimes without any warning. We don't tolerate players who don't work for their team.

6. I hate friendly fire! Why does your server have friendly fire on?

The Counter-Strike game strives for realism, blah, blah. Ascertain your targets before shooting; don't be stupid and lazy. TK'ers will be banned along with idiots who just can't keep it together. We like having friendly fire on. If you don't like it, then leave. Complain about friendly fire and we'll just ban you. We don't want to hear it.

7. I want to play Map X. Will you change the map to it?

You are either not paying attention or are just missing our underwhelming lack of concern for your feelings. NO. No, we will not change it to your favorite map. Of course, if you want to play on the exact same map the administrator does that's a different story. Just don't ask Duke of URL if he'll change it to cs_siege, unless you want to be banned.

8. I just got whacked by a BG minion for the 1000th time! Do I win a prize?

Possibly. We're not really sure if you can call it a prize. You win a T-shirt that we used to line Clozo's carrier. Just fly to outer Yuggoth to pick it up.

9. I found a typo or grammatical error on this web site. To whom do I report it?

Dunno. Maybe to someone who cares, perhaps to your 3rd grade English teacher?

10. How old are you guys?

Next question.

11. No, really! How old are you guys?

We'd like to take this annoying opportunity to categorically *deny* any rumors that we are sponsored by Rogaine's "Prevent Hair Loss Before it Starts" campaign.

12. Is it true that Slow Target is locked up in a federal penitentiary?

No, but it is rumored that he played a convict in an adult film once.

13. Can we challenge BG to a match?

No. We are far too elite to submit to that crap. However, we will scrimmage for fun on *extremely rare* occasions. We're not very organized about it. We prefer to just play whoever shows up at our normal game times.

14. Is BG on any competition ladders?

No. We are far too elite to submit to stupid rules that say we lose even after soundly trouncing our opponents in a match because we showed up with one less player than was previously agreed to, despite the fact the opposition had the advantage. Technicalities are for sniveling whiners and so are ladders.

15. Where do you guys IRC?

We IRC at local servers where fermented vegetable products can be chown'd and downloaded. Minions are equally divided between wood chip pulp brands such as Newcastle, and the more amber waves of grain colored varieties such as Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

16. How do I contact a BG minion?

Find us on a server and ask us. If we recognize you as a friendly regular we might actually choose to respond.

17. Where do you guys live?

Outer Yuggoth.